1997
- 2007
Ten Years
that Changed My LIfe
by nicolya christi
Here
is an account of what has happened to me since June '97
to date. These past ten years split into two distinctive
blocks of five years a piece.
1997-2002
- Extra-Dimensional Contact
In June
97, around 6 am in the morning when I was half awake, I
heard a whooshing sound that circled my head a few times
and then entered into my left ear. As this entered I felt
what I can only describe as intense voltage course through
my body as if I was plugged into the generator for the
whole of London. I have no idea how long it lasted for
but I felt as if my body was going to explode into a billion
pieces. During this experience, I was completely helpless
to this incoming energy as I could not physically move.
Even though I was conscious and awake I could not open
my eyes, my face was contorting and my sacral chakra was
agonizing and felt as if it would burst. I could hear a
loud ‘humming’ sound and my mind felt like
a tornado with powerful buzzing sensations rushing through
it. Exactly one month later the same experience happened
again and one month later and so forth (with excruciating
sacral and solar plexus activity) for the next few months.
Over
the years these experiences occurred at regular intervals.
For example, for a long while it came in most days at
6 am and then 8 am. At other times it would come in every
Tuesday at 8 am or a month to the day of the previous one.
During those first experiences, I began to 'see' and ‘travel’ whilst
the energy was in my body and found myself flying over
vast stretches of land, mountain and ocean. I once travelled
far out into the dark sky of the universe passing through
three symbols of which I can now only recollect two - The
image of The Universal Man (that then confronted me the
following day opposite my exhibition stand at a festival
I was working) and a Golden Triangle. When I passed through
the triangle I went very far out traveling at great speed,
deep into the blackness that is the universe and beyond.
I became very afraid as where I found myself was way beyond
any psychic, unconscious or felt memory I may have had
of the vastness of the cosmic environment that each one
of us is connected to. This unfamiliar place along with
the accompanying fear, bought me straight back into my
body. I have since discovered that both the images/symbols
that I passed through are portals to other dimensions.
Over
the years, during these experiences, I was told incidental
as well as profound things. A voice (masculine) would speak
few words about various aspects of my life, such as the
way I work as well as more esoteric things like the name
of a new planet to be discovered - it was all quite cryptic
and intensely surreal. On one occasion I was ‘visited’ by
a being (presenting in male human form but with turquoise
eyes) who told me of something to come in my life - I await
to see if this unfolds as if it is to happen it will do
so in the next two years.
I became
accustomed to astral traveling and had many experiences
of being conscious and awake whilst at the same time in
a trance, levitating and ‘traveling’. None
of the visions I saw or the words I heard were ever threatening,
dark or frightening. I was able to know in advance when
this energy would come as I would always hear that ‘whooshing’ sound.
After a couple of years that sound stopped and the experiences
would begin by a new hypnotic 'buzzing' sound that would
literally take me into it and into the experience - the
only way to stop this from occurring would be to force
my eyes to remain open and to sit up, which was very difficult
due to the hypnotic sound, but possible. However - I had
a choice..
The traumatic
part of these experiences was the intensity of the unbearable
energy voltage surging through my body. I once watched
a film with John Travolta - I believe it is called ‘Phenomenon’ where
his character is struck by a beam of light coming from
the sky and knocked to the floor, twisting, distorting
and vibrating whilst this energy is in his body - my experiences
felt like what he was acting.
I contacted
many mediums, psychic colleges, channels, doctors and specialists
all to no avail - no one had a clue what I was talking
about. A doctor referred me to a neurologist, at my request
as I wondered if I was having night fits - That specialist
suggested I was suffering from narcalespy (a sleeping sickness
where people fall asleep on the spot day or night)! Of
course, I questioned my thoughts on how it might be night
fits when I could control if it happened and was conscious
throughout and none the worse for the experience. In fact,
I would feel quite energized and wide-eyed and well following
these..
2002
- 2007 - Breakdown - Breakthrough
On March
16th 2002, I collapsed with a life threatening mystery
illness that almost took my life that Easter. On the morning
of the collapse I got out of bed, stood up, my legs gave
way and I collapsed. I was bedridden for three months during
which time I could not walk unaided, cope with any sensory
stimulation i.e.; tv, music or light and stayed in a room
in complete silence feeling like I was dying and unable
to do anything but lay there. I was barely able to say
more than a few words. I could not sit up as my body would
not hold me up and for one 24 hour period (during that
first three months) I was unable to open my eyes at all
because my body did not have the energy to keep them open.
Nothing mattered to me anymore, not the books or clothes
or objects in the room. Everything was slipping away and
I felt as if I was dying. All things material lost any
interest or appeal as I lay suspended between life and
death - alone. That Easter 2002, I experienced the process
of dying.
I was
living on my own when this happened and unfortunately those
with whom I was close really did not understand or get
what was happening to me or how critically ill I was. As
in many cases of illness, all those that one thinks one
is close with seem to disappear into the busyness of their
lives - For many years, I meditated on why it is that many
people seem to run from another’s illness or the
subject of death and then one day I heard that a well known
talk show host had been hiding the fact that he had MS
and that he experienced the same - people whom he thought
would rally round and be there for him just vanished into
their busy lives. This man summed it up when he noted that “people
don’t like to be confronted with another’s
pain as it reminds them of their own”.
I had
every test imaginable and was seen by numerous G.P’s
and Specialists, with nothing showing up in any blood tests
or any other diagnostic attempts. Following these tests,
I was literally left to it. My whole life shut down. I
was on my own with this. Those with whom I believed I had
close relationships literally disappeared into the busyness
of their own live and really never saw them again. I heard
of 'comments' about the 'causes' of what had happened to
me and why so from the viewpoints of those whom had once
called me their friends. This proved to be a huge lessen
in judgement for me as I learned that no one on this Earth
knows or understands why life happens to us in the way
that it does and that the most beautiful gift we can offer
to those in crisis, to those suffering is TLC - tender,
loving care. We need to remind ourselves that an attitude
of respect is needed and to honor that all people CHOOSE
their life circumstances and to trust in that wisdom and
where it comes from in each and every being. Only our own
Souls and our dear Spirit friends’, loved ones who
have crossed over and guides know why so many of us choose
to learn through suffering. It is so easy to take on board
the misguided psychological and spiritual opinions of others
that suggest that it might be something negative we have
done, inner-child neediness, bad karma, the manifestation
of negative thinking - the list goes on - It may be these
things and it may not be. Only we know the truth of our
own experiences, either consciously or unconsciously.
Many
people who are living conscious, self-aware lives beat
themselves up as it has been suggested to them that the
cancer, MS, ME, Stroke or other life threatening, debilitating
illnesses and conditions that they endure must reflect
something dark, negative, angry, unforgiving, etc, within
them. Some of the greatest and most advanced Souls on this
planet have left their bodies through some kind of dis-ease,
for example; Krishnamurti -who passed with cancer, Mother
Theresa who crossed over from a heart attack and Ramana
Maharishi who was driven from his body by Sarcoma (cancer),
to name but a few, as well as those still living like Ram
Dass who is living with the effects of a stroke.
We can
never know the lessons or choices that each individual
Soul chooses to take on or make in service of their highest
good (or the highest good of others). If we decide to speculate
and point fingers then are we not the ones who need to
look at the teachings of our own behavior? - For in those
moments, we are not in our hearts, we are not loving, we
are not being unconditionally loving and moreover, we are
actually referring to that which lives within us and are
projecting that onto another.
Something
I feel passionately about is The Art of Presence - the
ability to be willing to be as present as we can be to
another and in that to hold that person in unconditional
positive regard - without judgement. It is not for us to
offer our opinions (which tend to be judgments). When we
are truly present to another then we become mindful of
any judgments, opinions or finger pointing thoughts floating
about in our heads and we use this as a sign to recognize
that in that very moment we are not in our hearts and that
we do have a choice as to where to we reside in ourselves
in any moment.
We all
have unwanted thoughts about others that erupt, often uninvited,
into our minds (many of which much can be blamed on cultural
conditioning and media bombardment of negative overt and
subliminal messages). None of us are superhuman - it is
not possible to be in our bodies in these times without
having to be constantly mindful and aware of what is happening
when an unwanted thought comes in, where it is coming from
and why. Being unconditionally present to another shows
us our ability to be that with ourselves and is therefore
an act of Self -Love. We have much wisdom to impart to
all those we encounter and will have many opportunities
to do so ideally, when those we are being present to ask
us for some feedback.
When
another is inviting us to share our thoughts with them
regarding their problems, decisions and life challenges,
etc, it is our responsibility to speak from our hearts
- to speak words of love and encouragement, of support
and insights. If we are letting our heads talk then out
will pour judgments, criticism and opinions. These only
serve to block receptiveness in the other and foster discordant
relationships. I am not suggesting that people suppress
and repress feelings and thoughts regarding other people’s
circumstances or even world events. I am promoting that
when we do express our feelings and thoughts with sensitivity,
compassion and if needed, with passion and always with
love in our hearts.
After
two years of living dangerously and by that I mean living
with a health crisis that was a continued danger to my
health everyday, I realized that the only way I was going
to get well was to create a miracle - which is what I needed
- and it was not going to manifest overnight. In fact,
it was going to have to be one of those slow maturing miracles
where only time would bring it to its maximum potency.
And so began three more years of daily engagement with
this journey, moment to moment reminding myself of the
need to practice aligning my mind and emotions and body
in peace, which was so difficult given that my body felt
a million lifetimes away from peace. Thirty six months
of deep introspection, peeling back the layers, breaking
the ego, disintegrating and integrating, deconstructing
and reconstructing, journeying through the multidimensional
components of my Self and trying not to miss any tiny clue
that could prove to be the key to my healing. One hundred
and fifty six weeks of no holds barred Self -inquiry, brutal
Self - honesty, tender Self - acceptance and the biggest
lesson of all - learning to Love Unconditionally -both
myself and other - whilst at the same time living with
the reality of being acutely ill everyday those past five
years with an untreatable, undiagnosable illness.
Through
sheer Will power, I have crawled my self back to a semblance
of health - and I am continuing to work on getting my life
back. My intuition tells me my nervous system completely
collapsed, due to the regular intense ‘voltage’ that
surged through my body for those five years before my collapse
and added to that the influences of past life, psychological,
historical and Ascension Processes. Ascension process -
is a concept that suggests that many of today’s bizarre,
obscure and common symptoms of illness are caused by the
planetary vibration and frequency being rapidly accelerated
by the influx of powerful high frequency light waves flooding
our planet in preparation for the 2012 interstellar gateway
activation and planetary ascension.
A dear
friend loaned me a copy of a book ‘The Ascension
Primer' by Karen Bishop, I recommend this book to anyone
suffering at all with health challenges, as it offers a
unique and telling insight into the esoteric explanations
for much of that which defies diagnosis or understanding
in the exoteric world. For me it is a basic truth that
all that ails the body, mind and heart is ultimately the
ascension process that each one of us is engaged in.
Empowering
Myself
The last
two experiences of that energy surging through my body
was in April 02 and Nov 02. The reason that these two experiences
were my last is because during both of them I experienced,
for the first time, what is called 'psychic attack' - something
I had not truly believed existed. At the time of these
attacks, I was very ill so therefore my vibration and light
frequency would have been so low as to render me vulnerable
to psychic attack. What I experienced was terrifying -
two androgynous looking vampires, deathly white with bright
red mouths sat on top of me with their hands on my throat
trying to strangle me and laughing hideously. During the
second and last attack in November ‘02, I realized
that I needed to recite sacred mantras to try and raise
my vibration so that they would let go, which they did.
I came around from that final attack promising myself that
I would never allow that energy access again. If Spirit
wanted to work with me or help break me down in order for
me to burn off most, if not all, of my Karma in order to
re-connect to my purpose for being here, then they were
going to have to respect my boundary and value my choice
to fulfill this part of my journey in a different way.
Be careful
what you pray for..
Before
the first experience back in June 97, I had been praying
earnestly everyday to align with my purpose. I made certain
statements to the Higher Dimensions and gave them not only
my permission, but free reign to prepare me to fulfill
those statements and pacts I made with them. Now I say,
be careful what you pray for... Be mindful. Respect yourself,
protect yourself and recognize that there is a fast track
to knowing your purpose - but it comes with a price.
I did
have some incredible experiences during those five years
(bar the April & Nov 02). I can recall being very far
out into the cosmos looking back at our beautiful planet
Earth, She is breathtaking. (This particular experience
was also followed by me being confronted with the exact
same image the following day on a poster).
I sometimes
ask myself “Would I change any of this past ten years?” My
answer is no, I would not have changed those first five
years and if in suffering the way in which I have these
past five years has transformed something in me that may
not have been possible without this illness - then no,
I would not change these past five years, either. I do
know that there was something so rigid, so unbreakable
within my psyche, set in stone over life times, that it
needed something of momentous proportions to break that
down and in so doing , free me.
In 1999,
at the time of the Eclipse, I was in Stonehenge (for a
group meditation) and had some time to be with the ancient
beings that are present there and the majestic stones.
I made a very powerful request of those Stonehenge Guardians
and Spirits - a pledge I committed to follow through. I
now know that what I spoke of that day with those beings
could not have been possible without the experiences of
all that has taken place these past five years, in particular.
I return for the first time since then, this July for another
group meditation and for a conversation that I am ready
to have with those dear Stonehenge guardians and Spirits
concerning the next stage of my journey.
I have
had 1000 and more days of total despair as I lived my life
mainly from a sofa and could only vision all that could
be if I could just get my life back. I was flooded with
positive visions of my work and life in the future and
yet haunted with the fear of how near impossible it seemed
to me that I would ever be consistently well enough to
ever be able live that life I could so clearly vision.
The pattern for 1,800.75 days was that as soon as one symptom
would alleviate, in would crash another, like a raging
storm that felt like it would never end. But it has almost
ended - and like any raging storm that passes there comes
the rebuilding in the wake of the aftermath. And this is
where I am - at the tail end of a very long dark night
and at the beginning of a new dawn, at the same time. There
are still shaky buildings that could topple and harm me
if I am in the way, so I tread very carefully. But with
a little help from the right people - those specialists
that are experts in rebuilding - with the right team I
can build strong foundations, clear up the aftermath and
build for myself a ‘City of LIght’ from both
within and if it is God’s Will, out there in the
world.
And finally..
Please
don’t ever give up the belief that you can come through
almost any seemingly impossible situation - you can face
death, be that of the body or the ego and become more alive
than ever before - you must understand the all important ‘For
What Purpose’ question and then have courage and
ride into your own dark night of your Soul, for if you
can do so, you can emerge into a city of light that is
you - and is possible for you to create all around you.
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